Do You Unknowingly Cause Damage To Your Relationships?
Protect those you care about by vetting who you bring into their lives. Here’s how
Whenever I meet people, I like to think about how I can somehow make their lives better. I’d love to be the reason that somebody is able to solve a problem, or can discover something new.
But if experience has taught me anything, I know good intentions can sometimes go horribly wrong.
The Latin phrase “Primum non nocere,” translates out to “first, to do no harm.” In fact, part of the Hippocratic Oath includes a promise “to abstain from doing harm,” and I found that pretty profound.
To me, it means: try to do good, but if you can’t, try to not make things worse.
If you apply this idea to your social and personal life, you can gain a very valuable skill. But in order to do so, you are going to have to develop a special insight.
Trust is a gift…and a risk
Think right now about the relationships that mean the most to you. Think of your loved ones, your friends, and anyone you respect.
Now think about the things that these people hold most valuable.
Some examples:
Their relationships
Their ability to make money
Their emotions
Their secrets
Their time
If a person has chosen to be friends with you, they have decided to trust you to some degree — they are trusting that you will not cause harm to the things they hold valuable.
Trust is a gift. A person is making him/herself vulnerable to you because they have determined that you will not betray them.
Once you have earned somebody’s trust, it is your responsibility as a friend to make sure that none of your actions cause harm to them. If you are a good friend, you’ll help protect the things they hold valuable. If you are a bad friend, you’ll cause them to be destroyed.
OK. Easy enough, you might think. Don’t betray them. Don’t tell their secrets. Think twice before you post THAT picture of them. Don’t sleep with their girlfriend. Pretty straightforward.
But wait. That’s only part of it.
Reverse engineer to identify risk
Think deeper. Look beyond direct consequences. Consider how you could indirectly affect this person.
For example, every person you bring into their lives could potentially pose a risk to them.
Have you ever set up two people on a blind date that turned into a complete disaster? Don’t worry, we’ve all done it. But what if one of the people (unbeknownst to you) was a complete psychopath and put your other friend in a dangerous position?
Suppose one of your friends was a business owner who needed another employee and you introduced a friend who desperately needed a job. Great, you connected two people who each had a need. But the new employee was not only utterly incompetent, but they had a terrible attitude problem and ended up affecting morale and productivity within the entire company.
How could you have possibly known that this would happen?
Well, ask that question in reverse. How could you be absolutely sure that this WOULDN’T happen?
Were there signs you just didn’t pay attention to? Could you have used better judgment before you put your friend in a bad position?
Consider people carefully. Pay attention to their actions, and their character. Is this person trustable? Do they demonstrate high character? Most importantly, how do they handle their mistakes? Do they own their mistakes and learn from them? Or do they deny them and blame them on everyone else?
These clues will provide tremendous insights.
Everyone who trusts you depends on you to use your best possible judgment to protect them. So hold yourself to a high standard and be the best friend you can be.