What to do When They Don’t Return Your Phone Calls

Never again wait around for a phone call that might never come.

I’m going to give you a very important piece of advice, and the sooner you can accept it, the better off you will be.

People do what they want.

That’s it. It’s that simple.

How important are you to them?

Many years ago I had a close female friend, and we’d call and text each other regularly. We had a great friendship. Then over the summer she got involved with a group of people who became a close knit clique. They’d have BBQs, parties, beach gatherings, and somehow they’d… “forget” to invite me. They were just occupied with each other, and that was that.

And as she became occupied with this group, I noticed she’d answer my calls less and less frequently, and then one day she stopped answering altogether.

She was friendly to me in public, but if I asked her about it, she’d apologize and claim something came up, or she couldn’t find her phone, or any number of really dumb excuses.

One day, I decided to test this. I wish I hadn’t.

As I hung out with one of our mutual friends, I called her, and as I expected, I got her voicemail. I then grabbed his phone and called her about a minute later, and she answered right away.

I was hurt, but I had my answer. I actually had my answer long before, but there was no longer room to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Why was this happening?

The answer is, it didn’t matter. When you find yourself in a situation like this, understand something: people do what they want. You’re just not that important to them. Don’t wish it was different. Don’t get angry.

Accept it right away and move on.

In friendship and in business — in any social interaction, you can either be subjected to people’s bullshit, or be on the other side of it. That’s the power dynamic. If you don’t let them string you along, you have the power.

Not long after, my birthday came up. I decided I would have a small dinner downtown. This year, I would only invite a small group of people close to me, and I specifically chose those people who answered my phone calls!

I did this quietly so I wouldn’t look petty. I called people individually rather than making a Facebook post about the dinner. It was private.

Well, word got out about my event, and as we sat down to dinner, I looked up to see her walk in. She not only crashed the dinner uninvited…

…she brought her entire clique!

Do you see what’s happening here?

The power dynamic

In friendship and in business — in any social interaction, you can either be subjected to people’s bullshit, or be on the other side of it. That’s the power dynamic. If you don’t let them string you along, you have the power.

If you find yourself wondering how a person can have so many grandparents mysteriously die in such a short period of time — whenever you want to make plans with them, I’m going to suggest you already know the answer.

But if you look at it from the perspective of people doing what they want, you’ll save yourself a lot of heartache. They call who they want to call. They hang out with who they want to hang out with. If it isn’t you, someone else is a bigger, better deal (BBD). And even though you may take it very personally, they don’t think twice about it. You’re not on their radar.

If you feel like you have to manipulate people to return your calls, you have to ask yourself if this is a relationship you should be in.

Better to surround yourself with people who do value you. And be a person worth valuing.

Once you learn this lesson, carry it with you to every part of your life, and you’ll never find yourself waiting around for a phone call that might never come. Nobody is worth that.

Show the client they’re important

This is even more important in business.

A person’s time is valuable, and I try to show respect to my associates by not calling unless I need to, but if I call, I expect them to respond.

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve cut ties with real estate professionals because they demonstrated how unimportant I was to them. I’m calling because I need an answer, not because I want to talk.

If someone doesn’t return my phone calls in a timely manner, they’re communicating either they’re too busy and don’t have time to handle my business, or they don’t consider me very important to them. If I find our relationship has turned this corner, I don’t waste time with them anymore. From experience, I can tell you it’s not going to get better.

I just go somewhere else.

I’ve never regretted it. It was always the right answer.

As time has gone by, my real estate holdings have continued to expand, and I keep close the relationships I’ve developed with people who have taken me seriously and shown me the respect of returning my calls. I reward those relationships with my loyalty, and as my business grows, they grow along with me!

Give your time and business to people who treat you like you are important to them.